The Japanese love to give out apples during winter, saying, “My Neighbor/Relative grew these extra apples, douzo.”
Domo Arigatou Mr. Roboto
My tutor and one of my JTE’s gave them to me, and these things are HUGE. If you were to go to the store, they would be at least $3 or $4 bucks a piece. I also saw some of these bigger “Japanese Pears.” They were the size of MELONS. Pamela pre-reduction. Massive. I thought they were fake…but they were real. Not Pamela. I laughed really loud in the produce section and some old lady smiled and winked. She didn’t actually do that.
Wishful Thinking.
Cutlural Note:
1. Domo Arigatou Mr. Roboto – In Japanese means, Thank you Mr. Robot
2. Japanese Pear – Looks like apples, feels like apples, and tastes like a mix between a pear and an apple.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Working During the Holidays
So I’ve had to work during the holidays this year. The reason being that half of my vacation days will be over by February. And I can’t use ‘em all up when people have made plans to come here, now can I?.... Uhhh, so I was pretty much content with my decision until Christmas Eve.
My birthday was good, no qualms there. The most dangerous man on the entire planet invited me to his lair, where he eats babies, and THEN molests them. Can’t forget puppies/kittens and old people either. He made the best stir-fry I’ve ever had in Japan, and we proceeded to watch this sort of mystery rock musical. Went home, made myself a Mexican feast of epic proportions. Touched myself, then fell asleep.
Christmas Eve rolls around, doin’ fine. Then my JTE’s start to ask me what I’m doing for Christmas Eve. That's when it starts. I tell them I have no plans, and sympathetically they say, “Ohhhh…Well when does your sister come in?” On Sunday I say. “Ohhh, AFTER Christmas…Well I’m sure you’ll have fun. (Awkward Smile)” Happened twice pretty much the same way.
Then as I’m getting ready to unlock my bike and make another feast of epic proportions (chicken, mashed potatoes, and stuffing, all splattered with my “Homemade Gravy”), my vice-principal comes up to me. “Hi Mashoo! What you do, uh, tonight?” Making a big dinner, spreading my hands out. “Be with Girlfriendo?” No, no, no, bitches are too complicated. “Friendo?” All out of town. “… Your sister come Sunday “Ne”? Sounds,…fun. Haha… Seeyou!”
…
Christmas Day. Because of the incredibly awkward conversations the day before, they all avoid me except for saying “Good Morning” and “Merry Christmas.” My direct supervisor, though, gave me a tea-cup with all the kanji for different fish. She also managed to take out all of the chocolates beforehand, and then put it back in it’s package. It’s the thought that counts of course, and of course I was happy to get a present.
Mark my words though. I’m never, with all the power I have, not working on Christmas ever again. EVER. It doesn’t matter where I’m at next year, but I will not be in the school.
Cultural Note:
1. JTE – Japanese Teacher of English, Native Japanese English speakers.
2. “Ne” – Sort of like fishing for an agreement at the end of a sentence, like, “Right?”
3. Kanji – (Khan-Jee) – Japanese alphabet of pictographs.
My birthday was good, no qualms there. The most dangerous man on the entire planet invited me to his lair, where he eats babies, and THEN molests them. Can’t forget puppies/kittens and old people either. He made the best stir-fry I’ve ever had in Japan, and we proceeded to watch this sort of mystery rock musical. Went home, made myself a Mexican feast of epic proportions. Touched myself, then fell asleep.
Christmas Eve rolls around, doin’ fine. Then my JTE’s start to ask me what I’m doing for Christmas Eve. That's when it starts. I tell them I have no plans, and sympathetically they say, “Ohhhh…Well when does your sister come in?” On Sunday I say. “Ohhh, AFTER Christmas…Well I’m sure you’ll have fun. (Awkward Smile)” Happened twice pretty much the same way.
Then as I’m getting ready to unlock my bike and make another feast of epic proportions (chicken, mashed potatoes, and stuffing, all splattered with my “Homemade Gravy”), my vice-principal comes up to me. “Hi Mashoo! What you do, uh, tonight?” Making a big dinner, spreading my hands out. “Be with Girlfriendo?” No, no, no, bitches are too complicated. “Friendo?” All out of town. “… Your sister come Sunday “Ne”? Sounds,…fun. Haha… Seeyou!”
…
Christmas Day. Because of the incredibly awkward conversations the day before, they all avoid me except for saying “Good Morning” and “Merry Christmas.” My direct supervisor, though, gave me a tea-cup with all the kanji for different fish. She also managed to take out all of the chocolates beforehand, and then put it back in it’s package. It’s the thought that counts of course, and of course I was happy to get a present.
Mark my words though. I’m never, with all the power I have, not working on Christmas ever again. EVER. It doesn’t matter where I’m at next year, but I will not be in the school.
Cultural Note:
1. JTE – Japanese Teacher of English, Native Japanese English speakers.
2. “Ne” – Sort of like fishing for an agreement at the end of a sentence, like, “Right?”
3. Kanji – (Khan-Jee) – Japanese alphabet of pictographs.
Funny Girl/ Laughing Boy
One of the first graders at my school has one of the funniest faces. When she’s in class and the teacher says something that she doesn’t understand, she makes this face. The only way to describe it would be an awkward/uncomfortable/constipated face, with emphasis on the constipated part.
One of the second graders that I teach has been dubbed The Laughing Boy. He’s ridiculous. Never does his homework, doesn’t understand English, and all he does is laugh and smile. And it’s really hard for me to not laugh either. So I have to avoid looking in his direction of the room, but then it’s really awkward because I’m only talking to half of the class. And when I do look over, all I do is laugh and then the whole class starts to laugh. My teacher always asks me if I’m alright. Unprofessional.
Cultural Note:
1. Funny Girl – A Broadway musical, then film starring BARBARA STREISAND.
One of the second graders that I teach has been dubbed The Laughing Boy. He’s ridiculous. Never does his homework, doesn’t understand English, and all he does is laugh and smile. And it’s really hard for me to not laugh either. So I have to avoid looking in his direction of the room, but then it’s really awkward because I’m only talking to half of the class. And when I do look over, all I do is laugh and then the whole class starts to laugh. My teacher always asks me if I’m alright. Unprofessional.
Cultural Note:
1. Funny Girl – A Broadway musical, then film starring BARBARA STREISAND.
Tattoo
On my way down to Tokyo a little while back, I realized that I really regret not getting that tattoo before I left. Really regretted. When I get back, that’s one of my goals.
The Cold
Iwaki is north of Tokyo, and anything North of Tokyo is bound to get a little snow. Because I’m close to the coast though, it snows only a handful of times during the year. That doesn't mean it’s warm though. Quite the opposite. This week, it gets below freezing, and I’m having a hard time with anything lower than 10° C. I hear a lot of, “Quit being a little bitch, it’s not even cold,” or, “Grow some cahones man.” I’m sorry that I don’t subjugate myself to bad weather. I’m not masochistic. But you guys who aren’t complaining, you’re so fricken’ hard, so hard like Rambo. You guys are my idols, I wish I could be like you! Be Tee Dub, If I were to grow some beans to make my frank and beans setto complete, they wouldn’t even see the light of day until next spring. Not only because I’m not getting laid, but because they’d be too far into my body.
Cultural Note:
1. Setto – (Se-toe) – Japanese bastardization of Combo
Cultural Note:
1. Setto – (Se-toe) – Japanese bastardization of Combo
The Dark Tower
Renewing my interest in books while I sit at my desk, hours at a time, I’ve been reading The Dark Tower series by Stephen King. It’s a 7-book series, which is a mingling of the fantasy, science fiction, horror, adventure, and western genres. It’s amazing. But as I’ve made my way through the first 5 books and already ¾’s of the way done with the 6th, a sadness inside me is building. Like when Jason, Zach, and Trini left the Power Rangers. WTF else am I gonna read? No more epics, now just stand alone books, and I’m not about to start reading Harry Potter. That's only for those wanna-be-witches. Fantasy. Pure Fantasy. Like people who think they can become ninjas. WHOOOA! I got a ninja star and a black mask and can do a back flip. Leave it for the turtles. If anyone has any good suggestions, please tell me. PREASE.
Cultural Note:
1. Jason, Zack, and Trini – Three of the original Power Rangers.
2. Turtles – Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Cultural Note:
1. Jason, Zack, and Trini – Three of the original Power Rangers.
2. Turtles – Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Origami
During Kindergarten week, We had to prepare for lessons with games or something to entertain the whipper snappers. I decided origami would be cool to try. So I looked online for some Christmas origami. I brought it to one of the schools but, WHOOPS! The kids are too young and can’t follow the directions. Bull Shiite. I get back to the base school and sulk, because my idea was too advanced for the people behind “I want my MPG” cars, which made me try it out. That shit was hard. That. Is. What. She. Said. My Santa hat came out like the Leaning Tower of Pisa. My reindeer looked like a confused dog, and my holly looked like a hotdog. How does that happen? Throw me a fricken bone here.
Cultural Note:
1. Origami – (Oh-Re-Gaw-Me) – Paper folded into different shapes.
2. “I want my MPG” – Toyota commercials for their Prius Hybrid, and other gas efficient cars.
Cultural Note:
1. Origami – (Oh-Re-Gaw-Me) – Paper folded into different shapes.
2. “I want my MPG” – Toyota commercials for their Prius Hybrid, and other gas efficient cars.
Sleeping In/ Kindergarten Week
This week, we’ve been visiting kindergartens. Aside from the sweet(ass) little kids, the schedule made it for me. We were able to sleep in until about 8, and didn’t have to be ready to go until about 9. That extra hour made it for me. But it all fell apart. Chinua Achebe. For some unknown reason, the Vice-Principal, after asking and verifying very thoroughly that we were to leave from our apts and not the school, told us on Wednesday that we have to be at the school at regular time, until regular time. Bust.
Going to the kindergartens has been awesome. First off, it’s the week before Christmas so a lot of them are doing Christmas themed days with us coming in. Two of those days we’ve dressed up too. I’m not a very believable Santa, but little kids are stupid, especially ones that only have their eyes half open, if at all. I’m doing the “Ho Ho Ho fo sho” ‘s and the “Merry Christmas, you Buddhists” routines, and the kids are eating that shit up. Picking their noses, eating boogers, fisting their mouths, hands down the pants, the whole nine yards…SOOOOO cute! I just want to kidnap them and sell them as slaves.
Cultural Note:
1. Chinua Achebe – (Chen-Wa Ah-Che-Bay) – Author of the novel “Things Fall Apart.”
Going to the kindergartens has been awesome. First off, it’s the week before Christmas so a lot of them are doing Christmas themed days with us coming in. Two of those days we’ve dressed up too. I’m not a very believable Santa, but little kids are stupid, especially ones that only have their eyes half open, if at all. I’m doing the “Ho Ho Ho fo sho” ‘s and the “Merry Christmas, you Buddhists” routines, and the kids are eating that shit up. Picking their noses, eating boogers, fisting their mouths, hands down the pants, the whole nine yards…SOOOOO cute! I just want to kidnap them and sell them as slaves.
Cultural Note:
1. Chinua Achebe – (Chen-Wa Ah-Che-Bay) – Author of the novel “Things Fall Apart.”
Highlight of the Week
It’s been about 5 months since I got here, and the holidays and my birthday are fast approaching. This happy time of year makes me think of all the happy things that I experience here in Japan.
When I first got here, my greatest joy was going out on Friday night with the guys from Iwaki, getting a few beers and eating yakiniku. Things have changed though. Meat doesn’t satisfy me the way it used to... I get my kicks in the more simple ways. Going to my tutoring lessons on Tuesdays and sitting there for an hour trying to pick the rice out of my ears to understand what my tutor is trying to say. Then afterwards, having a nice home-cooked meal with her two daughters, one of them being my student. Oh, and the dog Bell, who likes to eat and play in her own poop. GOOD GIRL!
The other two are watching weekly episodes of Heroes and The Office. So really, I’m watching a knockoff of the X-Men cartoon and the best show EVER, since Three’s Company. Life is so sweet. Just like 45 year old asses. Sorry. I mean 40 5-year-old asses.
When I first got here, my greatest joy was going out on Friday night with the guys from Iwaki, getting a few beers and eating yakiniku. Things have changed though. Meat doesn’t satisfy me the way it used to... I get my kicks in the more simple ways. Going to my tutoring lessons on Tuesdays and sitting there for an hour trying to pick the rice out of my ears to understand what my tutor is trying to say. Then afterwards, having a nice home-cooked meal with her two daughters, one of them being my student. Oh, and the dog Bell, who likes to eat and play in her own poop. GOOD GIRL!
The other two are watching weekly episodes of Heroes and The Office. So really, I’m watching a knockoff of the X-Men cartoon and the best show EVER, since Three’s Company. Life is so sweet. Just like 45 year old asses. Sorry. I mean 40 5-year-old asses.
D-Land
A Bunch of us Fukushima JET’s went to Disneyland over the past weekend. It’s an ok substitute for what’s back home, but nothing can make up for the fact that the best rides are missing. Indiana Jones & The Matterhorn.
It was really interesting to go with all the people that haven’t been to any Disneyland before. They got really excited, like dogs when they piss all over you and themselves. I didn’t even bring an extra pair of pants/shoes or socks to the park. Might as well have been on Splash Mountain all day.
The most awkward part of the day was during the electric lights parade. I had to go to the bathroom in one of the Tomorrowland restaurants and the place was packed. Navigating was a bitch. Then I finally find the area it’s in, but I’m blocked out by two girls and a woman breast-feeding her bay-bay. I tried to get around them, but there were so many fricken people. Then the woman thought I was staring at her and gave me a funny look. ON TOP OF THAT, the kid shifted it’s eyes to me too, and looked at me with a, “Bro. You need to find your own teet, this bitch is mine.” So I pushed the two girls down, and trampled them like a super savings day at Walmart.
It was really interesting to go with all the people that haven’t been to any Disneyland before. They got really excited, like dogs when they piss all over you and themselves. I didn’t even bring an extra pair of pants/shoes or socks to the park. Might as well have been on Splash Mountain all day.
The most awkward part of the day was during the electric lights parade. I had to go to the bathroom in one of the Tomorrowland restaurants and the place was packed. Navigating was a bitch. Then I finally find the area it’s in, but I’m blocked out by two girls and a woman breast-feeding her bay-bay. I tried to get around them, but there were so many fricken people. Then the woman thought I was staring at her and gave me a funny look. ON TOP OF THAT, the kid shifted it’s eyes to me too, and looked at me with a, “Bro. You need to find your own teet, this bitch is mine.” So I pushed the two girls down, and trampled them like a super savings day at Walmart.
Hardest Part of the Job
After being here for nearly 5 months, I have realized what the hardest part of this job is. It’s staying up at your desk. When this first became an issue, I was drinking about 4 cans of coffee a day. Then the after effects were always in the back of my mind. Stained teeth, smelly breath, the caffeine withdrawal, and in particular, increased fatigue. I was beat. More beat than that asian girl with herpes that Prosser was hooking up with while she was on the rag. The same one that Vossler slapped the sandwich out of her hand and made cry. Completely beat.
So then I turned to soda. But then I got yelled at because the students aren’t allowed to drink it, so as not to be a bad influence. I was shaking bad though after the 3rd can of soda. Shakier than a… “Coke” head? HAHAHA. Then I started to drink tea. F. Like that would work. I just got even more relaxed, and would dose off even quicker.
My make-shift solution though is to drink a ridiculous amount of water. The reason this works is because I’m constantly getting up to go to the bathroom. I feel like that woman who drank water to get the Wii, except I haven’t drowned my body.
The only other way to deal with this problem is to keep busy reading a novel or by studying, but my eyes start to hurt and studying has never been one of my good skills.
So then I turned to soda. But then I got yelled at because the students aren’t allowed to drink it, so as not to be a bad influence. I was shaking bad though after the 3rd can of soda. Shakier than a… “Coke” head? HAHAHA. Then I started to drink tea. F. Like that would work. I just got even more relaxed, and would dose off even quicker.
My make-shift solution though is to drink a ridiculous amount of water. The reason this works is because I’m constantly getting up to go to the bathroom. I feel like that woman who drank water to get the Wii, except I haven’t drowned my body.
The only other way to deal with this problem is to keep busy reading a novel or by studying, but my eyes start to hurt and studying has never been one of my good skills.
The Drug Question
I’ve been staying at my schools later and later these days, so I can maybe get the teachers to like me a little more. The teachers are much different during this time, opening up and becoming much friendlier. Maybe too friendly my butt hurts and my jaw’s really sore.
One of the English teachers actually asked me if I do drugs. My answer was lighting fast though. Faster than the Fyastest Zombie. “No, just drinking.” And then he smiled at me thinking I was lying and it got awkward because I started to smile and then he nodded with a face that said, “You’re not a fyast enough Zombie.”
Then I Tried to cover for myself, bringing up High School and Starbucks, havens for illicit drug use. Then he started to talk about it in Broken English, while I said “Ahhh…ohhh,” and the standard. I didn’t understand what he said.
Cultural Note:
1. Fyastest Zombie – First encountered in 28 Days Later, and subsequent Zombie movies. So Fast, they’re Fyast.
One of the English teachers actually asked me if I do drugs. My answer was lighting fast though. Faster than the Fyastest Zombie. “No, just drinking.” And then he smiled at me thinking I was lying and it got awkward because I started to smile and then he nodded with a face that said, “You’re not a fyast enough Zombie.”
Then I Tried to cover for myself, bringing up High School and Starbucks, havens for illicit drug use. Then he started to talk about it in Broken English, while I said “Ahhh…ohhh,” and the standard. I didn’t understand what he said.
Cultural Note:
1. Fyastest Zombie – First encountered in 28 Days Later, and subsequent Zombie movies. So Fast, they’re Fyast.
Hai As A Kite
One of my schools is home to the one and only “Hai” guy. He’s actually in the Guinness Book of World Records for saying “hai” the most during a 10-minute conversation. Tallied at 141 times, the Hai Guy dwarfs the competition.
The second time I heard him, he only said it about 60 times during a 5-minute conversation, but it stopped being funny. He sounds like a mixture of Dumbledore from the first two Harry Potter movies and Gary Busey. That might actually be the most hoarse voice of all time. Horses of Courses.
Cultural Note:
1. Hai – (Hi) – The standard acknowledgment word. Said very frequently. Also the most notable word in the Japanese vocabulary, next to sushi, ramen, geisha, and good hard sex.
The second time I heard him, he only said it about 60 times during a 5-minute conversation, but it stopped being funny. He sounds like a mixture of Dumbledore from the first two Harry Potter movies and Gary Busey. That might actually be the most hoarse voice of all time. Horses of Courses.
Cultural Note:
1. Hai – (Hi) – The standard acknowledgment word. Said very frequently. Also the most notable word in the Japanese vocabulary, next to sushi, ramen, geisha, and good hard sex.
Super Special Rice Team
At most of my schools, I teach at least 1 special needs class a week. The most recent school I went to, I taught the “Sakura” class.
Before I came here, my impression of special ed teachers was that they have so much patience that they too, must be “special.” I really don’t know how to explain it, but something about the kids is really endearing. For instance, they do the goofiest shit with the goofiest faces, and they don’t have Bell’s Palsy either.
One girl must have been watching the Star Wars movies because in the middle of Christmas arts and crafts session, she started to sing the Darth Vader theme song. Then, she dropped her colored pencils and glue stick and slowly raised her hands, palms facing the ceiling and saying, “Emi! Who am I? I... Am…Darth Vader! HA HA HA.” Special needs girl.
During the second week, still doing Christmas lessons, I made a Christmas CD and we handed out Jingle Bells lyrics to the kids. They really, really, REALLY liked the Jingle Bells song. They kept playing it until the most special boy screamed and grabbed the remote from one of the other students and put the controller on the other side of the room.
Cultural Note:
1. Sakura – (Sah-Koo-Rah) – Cherry Blossom in Japanese.
2. Bell’s Palsy – Paralysis of a cranial nerve, where the affected side of the face droops.
Before I came here, my impression of special ed teachers was that they have so much patience that they too, must be “special.” I really don’t know how to explain it, but something about the kids is really endearing. For instance, they do the goofiest shit with the goofiest faces, and they don’t have Bell’s Palsy either.
One girl must have been watching the Star Wars movies because in the middle of Christmas arts and crafts session, she started to sing the Darth Vader theme song. Then, she dropped her colored pencils and glue stick and slowly raised her hands, palms facing the ceiling and saying, “Emi! Who am I? I... Am…Darth Vader! HA HA HA.” Special needs girl.
During the second week, still doing Christmas lessons, I made a Christmas CD and we handed out Jingle Bells lyrics to the kids. They really, really, REALLY liked the Jingle Bells song. They kept playing it until the most special boy screamed and grabbed the remote from one of the other students and put the controller on the other side of the room.
Cultural Note:
1. Sakura – (Sah-Koo-Rah) – Cherry Blossom in Japanese.
2. Bell’s Palsy – Paralysis of a cranial nerve, where the affected side of the face droops.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Hobbies
My intense boredom and slow onset of insanity has made me decide that I need to pick up some hobbies.
Numero Uno – I’m going to start drawing again. I took a class in high school, and I wasn’t that bad at it, so I figure I’m going to start up again. I was watching some tutorials on youtube and I learned how to draw a circle, a cylinder, and a cone. The next thing I started to practice was shading a sphere. Now this was difficult. It always came out as shit. But it was perfectly round. It reminds me of what a girl’s poop might look like if girls pooped. But because girls don’t poop, it’s all left to my fantasy, not imagination, fantasy.
Numero Dos – I’m going to start playing guitar. After one 1-unit class that I got a B in, I think I’m ready to start my career as a heavy metal acoustic guitar player, who only plays love songs to women who can’t understand English lyrics. If John Lennon could do it…
Let’s Rock and Rice!
Numero Uno – I’m going to start drawing again. I took a class in high school, and I wasn’t that bad at it, so I figure I’m going to start up again. I was watching some tutorials on youtube and I learned how to draw a circle, a cylinder, and a cone. The next thing I started to practice was shading a sphere. Now this was difficult. It always came out as shit. But it was perfectly round. It reminds me of what a girl’s poop might look like if girls pooped. But because girls don’t poop, it’s all left to my fantasy, not imagination, fantasy.
Numero Dos – I’m going to start playing guitar. After one 1-unit class that I got a B in, I think I’m ready to start my career as a heavy metal acoustic guitar player, who only plays love songs to women who can’t understand English lyrics. If John Lennon could do it…
Let’s Rock and Rice!
Student Ramblings
November 13
Sunny
The past few days have been very interesting at school. Like most of the other male teachers here, I am the object of most of the female students’ affection. They love to come into the school office just to say “hi” in English, and wave, and be slutty.
Sometime last week, a couple of girls game in and started talking in Japanese about me being cute. The Vice-principal was standing there and started to translate, telling me that the girls were saying how I’m “Pretty.” Now this d-bag’s English isn’t that bad, and I know he knew what the actual translation was, but I think he was trying to deter, according to his imagination, my intentions of molesting my students. Now I don’t know how many more times I have to defend myself, but they are just WAAAY TOO OLD. So because he decided to use that translation, which he made the girls completely aware of, I have those girls and others coming in and telling me how pretty I am. They wouldn’t be saying that if I showed them my balloon knot.
This week, I used a game for my 7th grade students. It was originally called Thief, but because the Japanese can’t say the “TH” sound (comes out as “Z”), Robber became the new name of the game. But these kids can’t say robber either. Instead they were saying “lover.” Now I think this might be one of those things where you had to “Be There,” but it was hilarious. Just imagine…a bunch of prepubescent boys and girls who struggle to keep their eyes open, almost as if there are anchors tied to their eye lashes, laughing and giggling and picking their noses and putting their hands down their pants and eating rice. Ridiculous right? I lived that. I lived that shit. Spect.
Today, there was one kid who was being completely masochistic. Again, like most schools, there are good boys and “naughty” boys. The naughty boys will literally get up in the middle of a lesson and sit in the back of the classroom where all the backpacks are. This little dude was one of those boys. But instead of just sitting in the back, he decided to sew. Now I know that i’m able to sew, and people laugh, but it is legitimately a good skill to know. However, this kid was doing it instead of paying attention in English class. So he was basically choosing to do something that he won’t need to do when he gets older, because he’ll have a woman (As a wife or a slave, I don’t know. But nonetheless, he’ll have a woman to do that stuff.), instead of learning something that will help him get mad bitches, who will probably know how to sew too.
After he was done sewing, he put all of his needles into his sleeve. Then he started poking himself with the needles, until they would stick right out of his arm. This whole time we’re playing Doctor…er I mean Robber, and I’m wincing and laughing. WTF is with this kid. Is he gay?
Cultural Note:
1. Masochistic – The condition in which sexual gratification depends on suffering, physical pain, and humiliation.
Sunny
The past few days have been very interesting at school. Like most of the other male teachers here, I am the object of most of the female students’ affection. They love to come into the school office just to say “hi” in English, and wave, and be slutty.
Sometime last week, a couple of girls game in and started talking in Japanese about me being cute. The Vice-principal was standing there and started to translate, telling me that the girls were saying how I’m “Pretty.” Now this d-bag’s English isn’t that bad, and I know he knew what the actual translation was, but I think he was trying to deter, according to his imagination, my intentions of molesting my students. Now I don’t know how many more times I have to defend myself, but they are just WAAAY TOO OLD. So because he decided to use that translation, which he made the girls completely aware of, I have those girls and others coming in and telling me how pretty I am. They wouldn’t be saying that if I showed them my balloon knot.
This week, I used a game for my 7th grade students. It was originally called Thief, but because the Japanese can’t say the “TH” sound (comes out as “Z”), Robber became the new name of the game. But these kids can’t say robber either. Instead they were saying “lover.” Now I think this might be one of those things where you had to “Be There,” but it was hilarious. Just imagine…a bunch of prepubescent boys and girls who struggle to keep their eyes open, almost as if there are anchors tied to their eye lashes, laughing and giggling and picking their noses and putting their hands down their pants and eating rice. Ridiculous right? I lived that. I lived that shit. Spect.
Today, there was one kid who was being completely masochistic. Again, like most schools, there are good boys and “naughty” boys. The naughty boys will literally get up in the middle of a lesson and sit in the back of the classroom where all the backpacks are. This little dude was one of those boys. But instead of just sitting in the back, he decided to sew. Now I know that i’m able to sew, and people laugh, but it is legitimately a good skill to know. However, this kid was doing it instead of paying attention in English class. So he was basically choosing to do something that he won’t need to do when he gets older, because he’ll have a woman (As a wife or a slave, I don’t know. But nonetheless, he’ll have a woman to do that stuff.), instead of learning something that will help him get mad bitches, who will probably know how to sew too.
After he was done sewing, he put all of his needles into his sleeve. Then he started poking himself with the needles, until they would stick right out of his arm. This whole time we’re playing Doctor…er I mean Robber, and I’m wincing and laughing. WTF is with this kid. Is he gay?
Cultural Note:
1. Masochistic – The condition in which sexual gratification depends on suffering, physical pain, and humiliation.
Sick For The First Time In Japan/ Halloween Party
Saturday Nov. 8th
Cloudy
In the past few days I’ve been feeling sick. I must have caught something after the Mid Year conference. It must have been starting at 530 and ending at 1 that really messed me up. That and all of the rufie coladas I unintentionally consumed…probably. But I started feeling bad on Thursday night after a job and dinner. Because I felt like crap, I made sure to go to the 7 eleven to get a “sickness” mask. I roll over to school and walk into the Friday morning staff meeting, and immediately the Kyoto Sensei gives me a look like, “Man, you are not THAT Japanese. Take that thing off you fool.” Then he asked me if I had a fever in Japanese and I nodded, walking over to my desk. “Its all part of the plan.” I wanted to make them think that I was sooo into work that I would not call in sick and just do it, that's what she said. But I think I screwed up when I started looking for information on Japanese Driver’s licenses because I’m thinking about getting a scooter. Rothwell insists that scooters are “Camp,” but I’m sure that once I get one, people will be “keen” on getting them too, at least the ones without cars.
Last night, despite the accumulation of phlegm and disgustingness, I decided to go to the Halloween party at EstEst. Now I didn’t really want to go, but because I had waited to use my Pooh-San costume, I couldn’t not make an appearance. First thing I hear when I get in there is “KAWAII!” from some random Japanese women, but the bartender had also managed to get a full body Pooh-san costume too. I told him, “Well…one of us has to go change.” But because the guy doesn’t speak Japanese, he just gave me the stink-eye all night. The other bartenders were all dressed in drag. Now I was very confused, because a lot of them actually looked like women… and I had a boner… NOT. But seriously I wanted to bang them…ummm.
I went home early, after spending 25 bucks on ginger ale and one cassis orange, and passed out when I got home. This morning I woke up feeling worse than before. I think I’m completely useless when it comes to living by myself. I was telling this to one of the other JETs last night. My apartment is always in a state of utter chaos. I have to lay my clothes on the couch, my desk, dresser, and because that space is very limited, they also go on the ground. Being at home and living in the house, or the apartments before, I was completely fine. Maybe because you have to consider everyone else you live with, and how they don’t want to have your boxes in their face. All up in that. Their fricken face.
Cultural Notes:
1. Mid-Year Conference – Conference where all the JET’s in the prefecture meet up and discuss things pertaining to our roles as assistant teachers.
2. Sick Mask – A white mask that covers your mouth. Usually seen worn by doctors, and Chinese people with SARS.
3. Camp – Homo-sec-sual.
4. Keen – To like/want/willing.
5. Kawaii – (Kuh-why-ee) – Japanese translation of “cute.”
6. Pooh-san – (Poo-Sah-N) – The name that Winnie the Pooh goes by in Japan.
7. The House – Zeta Beta Tau Fraternity House. 742 W. 28th St., Los Angeles, Ca 90007
Cloudy
In the past few days I’ve been feeling sick. I must have caught something after the Mid Year conference. It must have been starting at 530 and ending at 1 that really messed me up. That and all of the rufie coladas I unintentionally consumed…probably. But I started feeling bad on Thursday night after a job and dinner. Because I felt like crap, I made sure to go to the 7 eleven to get a “sickness” mask. I roll over to school and walk into the Friday morning staff meeting, and immediately the Kyoto Sensei gives me a look like, “Man, you are not THAT Japanese. Take that thing off you fool.” Then he asked me if I had a fever in Japanese and I nodded, walking over to my desk. “Its all part of the plan.” I wanted to make them think that I was sooo into work that I would not call in sick and just do it, that's what she said. But I think I screwed up when I started looking for information on Japanese Driver’s licenses because I’m thinking about getting a scooter. Rothwell insists that scooters are “Camp,” but I’m sure that once I get one, people will be “keen” on getting them too, at least the ones without cars.
Last night, despite the accumulation of phlegm and disgustingness, I decided to go to the Halloween party at EstEst. Now I didn’t really want to go, but because I had waited to use my Pooh-San costume, I couldn’t not make an appearance. First thing I hear when I get in there is “KAWAII!” from some random Japanese women, but the bartender had also managed to get a full body Pooh-san costume too. I told him, “Well…one of us has to go change.” But because the guy doesn’t speak Japanese, he just gave me the stink-eye all night. The other bartenders were all dressed in drag. Now I was very confused, because a lot of them actually looked like women… and I had a boner… NOT. But seriously I wanted to bang them…ummm.
I went home early, after spending 25 bucks on ginger ale and one cassis orange, and passed out when I got home. This morning I woke up feeling worse than before. I think I’m completely useless when it comes to living by myself. I was telling this to one of the other JETs last night. My apartment is always in a state of utter chaos. I have to lay my clothes on the couch, my desk, dresser, and because that space is very limited, they also go on the ground. Being at home and living in the house, or the apartments before, I was completely fine. Maybe because you have to consider everyone else you live with, and how they don’t want to have your boxes in their face. All up in that. Their fricken face.
Cultural Notes:
1. Mid-Year Conference – Conference where all the JET’s in the prefecture meet up and discuss things pertaining to our roles as assistant teachers.
2. Sick Mask – A white mask that covers your mouth. Usually seen worn by doctors, and Chinese people with SARS.
3. Camp – Homo-sec-sual.
4. Keen – To like/want/willing.
5. Kawaii – (Kuh-why-ee) – Japanese translation of “cute.”
6. Pooh-san – (Poo-Sah-N) – The name that Winnie the Pooh goes by in Japan.
7. The House – Zeta Beta Tau Fraternity House. 742 W. 28th St., Los Angeles, Ca 90007
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Mid-Year Conference
The mid-year conference was Tuesday and Wednesday of this week. It was awesome. Seeing all of the other ALT’s was very refreshing and lots of fun, because the only time I ever see them is when we rock out with our socks out. I did the standard, get really drunk and black out, but what I haven’t done in a while is act like a total freshman in college who went to his first party and had his first sip of alcohol. Or a high school girl who goes anywhere where there is alcohol. I was carried back to my room, but mislead my caretakers to a different hotel, until I was finally whisked away to the correct place, where I didn’t know my hotel room number, and spent the night on the floor of a kind woman’s room, and had pictures taken of me in a zombie like state, completely passed out with my eyes open. I’m very disappointed in myself.
The thing I think that made this conference completely awesome were the quotes that I heard. The first speaker was a Japanese John Hammond look alike from Jurassic Park, with an almost spot on accent. He at one point said during his completely dry speech that, “I’m getting a little dry. I might be getting excited.” The next quote was by a past ALT who became a professor at a Japanese university. He said something like “If you teabag too much…the teabag will get exhausted.” There was a woman, who is also the same person that took care of me the dreadful night before, who is a mother, and supposed to be somewhat more mature than some of the ALT’s, who burst out laughing. It made the whole thing even funnier because its one of those contagious laughs where everyone will start laughing if you hear her. Which everyone did.
The last one, which was undoubtedly the funniest quote, was this guy said something along the lines of, “I love meat, I LOVE IT!” “I substitute meat with NUTS!” and, “I need to get my PROTEIN FIX!”
I was also practicing my Australian accent and discussed the commercial fishing of sharks in Australia. In addition to that, I picked up some new Australian slang, like “Bushpig”, and “Rooting.”
Cultural Notes:
1. Teabag – No description necessary
2. Meat loving, Nuts, and Protein Fix – No description necessary
3. Bushpig – A really fat and ugly woman
4. Rooting – Bang Sesh
The thing I think that made this conference completely awesome were the quotes that I heard. The first speaker was a Japanese John Hammond look alike from Jurassic Park, with an almost spot on accent. He at one point said during his completely dry speech that, “I’m getting a little dry. I might be getting excited.” The next quote was by a past ALT who became a professor at a Japanese university. He said something like “If you teabag too much…the teabag will get exhausted.” There was a woman, who is also the same person that took care of me the dreadful night before, who is a mother, and supposed to be somewhat more mature than some of the ALT’s, who burst out laughing. It made the whole thing even funnier because its one of those contagious laughs where everyone will start laughing if you hear her. Which everyone did.
The last one, which was undoubtedly the funniest quote, was this guy said something along the lines of, “I love meat, I LOVE IT!” “I substitute meat with NUTS!” and, “I need to get my PROTEIN FIX!”
I was also practicing my Australian accent and discussed the commercial fishing of sharks in Australia. In addition to that, I picked up some new Australian slang, like “Bushpig”, and “Rooting.”
Cultural Notes:
1. Teabag – No description necessary
2. Meat loving, Nuts, and Protein Fix – No description necessary
3. Bushpig – A really fat and ugly woman
4. Rooting – Bang Sesh
Halloween
For Halloween lessons, I would wear a costume. The first one I wore was a pirate mask, but the mask itself had arms and legs. So my head became the entire body of the pirate. The kids thought it was funny. The second costume I wore was a penguin pokemon. It was a hooded cape, and barely went down half my back. The kids and the teachers thought it was great. One of the teachers even took a picture of me, using it to touch herself later.
The second to last costume that I wore was basically the best of what America has to offer. I got really tight ripped up 501’s with a picnic table shirt, trucker hat, sunglasses, and well-placed fake facial hair. I became a totally different person, and people couldn’t recognize me at first. And the last costume I’m going to wear, because the Halloween Party in Iwaki is on the 7th of November, is a huge, full body Winnie the Pooh costume. It looks like kids pajamas, because the crotch is very low and there is a hood with a Pooh Face. Sooo many bitches. Unfortunately, I didn’t eat as much candy as I normally do, but I coped with it.
The second to last costume that I wore was basically the best of what America has to offer. I got really tight ripped up 501’s with a picnic table shirt, trucker hat, sunglasses, and well-placed fake facial hair. I became a totally different person, and people couldn’t recognize me at first. And the last costume I’m going to wear, because the Halloween Party in Iwaki is on the 7th of November, is a huge, full body Winnie the Pooh costume. It looks like kids pajamas, because the crotch is very low and there is a hood with a Pooh Face. Sooo many bitches. Unfortunately, I didn’t eat as much candy as I normally do, but I coped with it.
School…sucks?
So it’s been about three and half months since I got here, and I’ve been to all four of my schools. However, for the first 3 months of that time, I didn’t teach at my base school. It wasn’t until last week that I even started. The teachers don’t know me, and don’t care, and the same goes for the students. The teachers give me the cold shoulder or really make it awkward. Not getting invited to enkai’s and just being treated as someone who doesn’t belong makes you wonder why these people even asked for another English teacher.
To try and resolve this, I did what you do when your girlfriend gets angry at you. I bought them stuff. Because as most of us know, the key to a woman’s heart is your wallet. So I bought them candy and omiyage from Fukushima City, the capital city of our prefecture. I also dressed up on Halloween as a Pokemon, while walking into the standard Friday morning staff meeting. All of the teachers started laughing while the Prinicpal and Vice Principal just looked at me like “W-T-F dude? WTF?” None of them realized it was Halloween day, so they were shocked. I think I smelled something in the School Nurse’s pants too, she might have been really startled, or just laughed really really hard.
Everyday is a struggle, and it’s starting to wear on me, but I’m ganbarimasing, so hopefully it turns out ok soon.
Cultural Notes:
1. Enkai- (En-kai) – Japanese drinking party. Usually consists of unlimited food and drinks, where you get to see the more casual side of your colleagues.
2. Omiyage – (oh-me-ya-gay) – Gifts given to colleagues by someone who went on a trip out of town.
3. Friday Morning Staff Meeting – Pretty sure that every school has it, but a school meeting where all of the faculty gather in the staff room and have a huge meeting.
4. Pokemon – Gotta catch’em all
5. Halloween in Japan – According to the vice principal, brought to Japan about 5 years ago. Still not widely observed by many, but making its way up there.
6. Ganbarimasu – (Gone-bar-ee-ma-sue) – To try one’s best
To try and resolve this, I did what you do when your girlfriend gets angry at you. I bought them stuff. Because as most of us know, the key to a woman’s heart is your wallet. So I bought them candy and omiyage from Fukushima City, the capital city of our prefecture. I also dressed up on Halloween as a Pokemon, while walking into the standard Friday morning staff meeting. All of the teachers started laughing while the Prinicpal and Vice Principal just looked at me like “W-T-F dude? WTF?” None of them realized it was Halloween day, so they were shocked. I think I smelled something in the School Nurse’s pants too, she might have been really startled, or just laughed really really hard.
Everyday is a struggle, and it’s starting to wear on me, but I’m ganbarimasing, so hopefully it turns out ok soon.
Cultural Notes:
1. Enkai- (En-kai) – Japanese drinking party. Usually consists of unlimited food and drinks, where you get to see the more casual side of your colleagues.
2. Omiyage – (oh-me-ya-gay) – Gifts given to colleagues by someone who went on a trip out of town.
3. Friday Morning Staff Meeting – Pretty sure that every school has it, but a school meeting where all of the faculty gather in the staff room and have a huge meeting.
4. Pokemon – Gotta catch’em all
5. Halloween in Japan – According to the vice principal, brought to Japan about 5 years ago. Still not widely observed by many, but making its way up there.
6. Ganbarimasu – (Gone-bar-ee-ma-sue) – To try one’s best
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Japanese Talking Shit
The teachers looove to talk about the JETS when they’re sitting right next to them. I think I’ve averted a lot of this because they know I have a little skill. The funny thing though is that they forget sometimes, and I know they’re talking about me, so I turn around, and all of a sudden they start being really nice and acting like I didn’t hear what they just said. Another teacher thinks that I’m writing shit in the notebook and talk about how stupid I think Japanese people are. Like he literally said that. How wrong he is… maybe. I’m not sure how I should approach this situation, but we’ll see.
Schools
So far, I’ve been to all my schools, but I haven’t taught at my base school yet. I think my favorite is Katono, because the English teacher has the best English out of all the schools, and the kids are really funny. But, I think that Iwasaki has the most fun students, because they get the most into the games. On top of that I heard a phone conversation where the guy said “hai” 141 times.
I’ve also been hearing from most of the other JETs that there is usually a hot teacher in one of their schools, but I think I got the short end of the stick… or the long splintery, splintery side of the stick because I just got screwed, depending on how you look at it. I’m glad though. The last thing any of the JETS here need is extra temptation. I mean I’m glad I’m not at an elementary school. It’s hard enough at a Jr. High.
Cultural Notes
1. My schools:
a. Yumoto 1st – Over 400 students
b. Katono – 131 students
c. Iwasaki – 410 students
d. Yumoto 2nd – 78 students
I’ve also been hearing from most of the other JETs that there is usually a hot teacher in one of their schools, but I think I got the short end of the stick… or the long splintery, splintery side of the stick because I just got screwed, depending on how you look at it. I’m glad though. The last thing any of the JETS here need is extra temptation. I mean I’m glad I’m not at an elementary school. It’s hard enough at a Jr. High.
Cultural Notes
1. My schools:
a. Yumoto 1st – Over 400 students
b. Katono – 131 students
c. Iwasaki – 410 students
d. Yumoto 2nd – 78 students
Differences Between Western Foods
Hamburgers here are way different than back in the states. Most of the hamburger patties back home are just meat. Japan on the other hand fills it with veggies too. I also think that they are beef/pork mixtures. They taste much lighter and not like real hamburgers. A staple of all hamburger places too is a fried shrimp burger. It’s miniature skrimps battered and fried into a patty shape. I have yet to try it because there is fried shrimp everywhere and I don’t particularly want to try it in burger form.
The tomato sauce/ marinara sauce here is much different too. It’s basically thin ketchup. Pizza, pasta, and any other Italian foods are filled with the stuff. The cheese too is all processed. It’s one thing on a burger, but when they try to use velveeta to pass off as mozzarella, then i’ve got a problem with that. I want some real cheese. Oh, and the pizza here tends to be really expensive. Pizza-La, the equivalent of Pizza-Hut, is like 35 bucks for a large pizza. I’ve had better dog in Korea.
The tomato sauce/ marinara sauce here is much different too. It’s basically thin ketchup. Pizza, pasta, and any other Italian foods are filled with the stuff. The cheese too is all processed. It’s one thing on a burger, but when they try to use velveeta to pass off as mozzarella, then i’ve got a problem with that. I want some real cheese. Oh, and the pizza here tends to be really expensive. Pizza-La, the equivalent of Pizza-Hut, is like 35 bucks for a large pizza. I’ve had better dog in Korea.
Takoyaki Party
So this last weekend, there was a takoyaki party at Carmen’s apt. Ever since I had it the first week in Iwaki, I’ve tried to stay away from it. It’s really just okonomiyaki rolled up into little balls, but then again, I really don’t like okonomiyaki either.
So at this party we could stick anything we wanted in them, that’s what she said… My first thought was that I could make cheeseburger-yaki, but that idea fell through when I couldn’t find ground beef at the store, even though I just didn’t look hard enough. So next idea, Pizza-yaki. Salami (they don’t sell pepperoni) and cheese, topped with tomato sauce. Now I don’t want to toot my own whistle (does it make you gay if you do?), but I’m pretty sure pizza-yaki has to be one of the greatest inventions ever made, next to melon soda. It was sooo hot, I dropped that shit like Snoop.
When I was at the store too, I bought a 6 pack. I drank all of them. Super trashed, but I didn’t stop there. When we went to karaoke, I kept making conbene runs and literally drank 2 or 3 more. I can’t remember the exact tally. I’m pretty sure I didn’t black out but there are some things I don’t remember, like running into cars, poking people, and a few other things. I was definitely, exponentially more obnoxious than normal. I think stage 2 of culture shock may have hit.
I was really hung-over the next day.
Cultural Note
1. Takoyaki- (Taco-ya-key) “Octopus Balls,” battered BALLS of cut up octopus and other things inside. Usually covered in Mayonnaise and a sweet sauce similar to teriyaki, then covered in dried bonito fish flakes
2. Bonito fish flakes – Dried bonito fish flakes that tend to “dance” when on something hot, probably moving because of the steam rising from the food.
3. Okonomiyaki- (Oh-ko-no-me-ya-key) Savory pancake filled with seafood (generally squid or octopus) and veggies. Different areas have different styles. Some with noodles on the bottom, or rolled like a crepe and topped with an egg. Same toppings as takoyaki.
So at this party we could stick anything we wanted in them, that’s what she said… My first thought was that I could make cheeseburger-yaki, but that idea fell through when I couldn’t find ground beef at the store, even though I just didn’t look hard enough. So next idea, Pizza-yaki. Salami (they don’t sell pepperoni) and cheese, topped with tomato sauce. Now I don’t want to toot my own whistle (does it make you gay if you do?), but I’m pretty sure pizza-yaki has to be one of the greatest inventions ever made, next to melon soda. It was sooo hot, I dropped that shit like Snoop.
When I was at the store too, I bought a 6 pack. I drank all of them. Super trashed, but I didn’t stop there. When we went to karaoke, I kept making conbene runs and literally drank 2 or 3 more. I can’t remember the exact tally. I’m pretty sure I didn’t black out but there are some things I don’t remember, like running into cars, poking people, and a few other things. I was definitely, exponentially more obnoxious than normal. I think stage 2 of culture shock may have hit.
I was really hung-over the next day.
Cultural Note
1. Takoyaki- (Taco-ya-key) “Octopus Balls,” battered BALLS of cut up octopus and other things inside. Usually covered in Mayonnaise and a sweet sauce similar to teriyaki, then covered in dried bonito fish flakes
2. Bonito fish flakes – Dried bonito fish flakes that tend to “dance” when on something hot, probably moving because of the steam rising from the food.
3. Okonomiyaki- (Oh-ko-no-me-ya-key) Savory pancake filled with seafood (generally squid or octopus) and veggies. Different areas have different styles. Some with noodles on the bottom, or rolled like a crepe and topped with an egg. Same toppings as takoyaki.
Tokyo Round 2
I went to Tokyo last because we had a 3-day weekend. It was awesome. First I had Wendy’s and I’ve never gotten so excited to eat one of their classic cheeseburgers. I was also ecstatic too see that they have frosties over here which TASTE THE SAME, ahhh. I also ate a fake taco which had authentic insides, but the tortilla was made with rice flower and was the same as a mushu wrap. Fuh-dat-shi. I also had BK, and let me tell you, the fries taste waaay better back home.
On the first night we went out, we went to an “International Party,” which is synonymous with old guys creeping on Japanese women who are mostly gross, or in their late 30’s. The aussie managed to snag two away from this graying balding guy, and his wrinkly cohorts. The brit managed to snag some grandma’s and they showed us a night on the town. They took us to Roppongi Hills where the brit and I decided it was wrong to hang out with grandma’s and ugly girls, and proceeded to ditch the others. From there on, we, the dynamic duo, went from club to club until we got sick and went to a ramen shop for a late night snack. Then paid 50 bucks fro a cab back to the hotel at 4 in the morning.
Later that day, we went to Harajuku to see Gwen Stefani’s hoes and then arrived at a toy store called kiddyland. I thought they actually sold little kids, but I was gravely mistaken. Only toys. Then we went to Akihabara, which is the haven of otakus, and ogled at all the miniature statues of the Dark Knight. We also visited an 8-story sex shop with what I consider highly immoral stuffed underage anime girl dolls, and more bondage leather than the entire amount used in the wild west. I bought two of the dolls, because I figured they needed a friend when I wasn’t around. Then there are the 8-story video arcades. Sooo much awesomeness in one place. Anything you would imagine, even being considered a game, digitized and placed in a box.
Later that night, we made our way to Club Atom, and met up with a French what- rhymes- with-baquette, and another Brazilian dude named Marcelo. Frenchie was a douche, and I think marcelo was gay, mostly because they were “French Kissing,” HAHAHAHA… It was another repeat of Tokyo orientation, except we didn’t get back till 6:30 am. It was amazing. Drunk and sleep deprived we took the first train we could back to Iwaki.
Cultural Notes
1. Hotels charge fore late checkout here
2. Harajuku is NOT filled head to toe with oddly dressed girls
3. Japanese people don’t know what tacos are
4. Its hard to find Red Bull here too. What I’d give to get those sluts from la to bring their mini over here
5. Otakus- (oh-tah-ku-s) – Big dorks
On the first night we went out, we went to an “International Party,” which is synonymous with old guys creeping on Japanese women who are mostly gross, or in their late 30’s. The aussie managed to snag two away from this graying balding guy, and his wrinkly cohorts. The brit managed to snag some grandma’s and they showed us a night on the town. They took us to Roppongi Hills where the brit and I decided it was wrong to hang out with grandma’s and ugly girls, and proceeded to ditch the others. From there on, we, the dynamic duo, went from club to club until we got sick and went to a ramen shop for a late night snack. Then paid 50 bucks fro a cab back to the hotel at 4 in the morning.
Later that day, we went to Harajuku to see Gwen Stefani’s hoes and then arrived at a toy store called kiddyland. I thought they actually sold little kids, but I was gravely mistaken. Only toys. Then we went to Akihabara, which is the haven of otakus, and ogled at all the miniature statues of the Dark Knight. We also visited an 8-story sex shop with what I consider highly immoral stuffed underage anime girl dolls, and more bondage leather than the entire amount used in the wild west. I bought two of the dolls, because I figured they needed a friend when I wasn’t around. Then there are the 8-story video arcades. Sooo much awesomeness in one place. Anything you would imagine, even being considered a game, digitized and placed in a box.
Later that night, we made our way to Club Atom, and met up with a French what- rhymes- with-baquette, and another Brazilian dude named Marcelo. Frenchie was a douche, and I think marcelo was gay, mostly because they were “French Kissing,” HAHAHAHA… It was another repeat of Tokyo orientation, except we didn’t get back till 6:30 am. It was amazing. Drunk and sleep deprived we took the first train we could back to Iwaki.
Cultural Notes
1. Hotels charge fore late checkout here
2. Harajuku is NOT filled head to toe with oddly dressed girls
3. Japanese people don’t know what tacos are
4. Its hard to find Red Bull here too. What I’d give to get those sluts from la to bring their mini over here
5. Otakus- (oh-tah-ku-s) – Big dorks
Speech Contest
About three weeks ago, the city held a Jr. High speech contest for all of the schools in the city. So, for the whole summer prior to us getting here, all of the other English teachers have been preparing their students for this contest. I only helped two students each with only a few sessions a piece, so I didn’t really help them as much as I wanted.
At the contest I realized how intense it really was. There were about 60 speeches with half doing recitation and the other half original speeches. Now the recitation was the painful part. I heard two stories about 8 times each.
“Freddy the Leaf,” a story about life and death, written in an English Textbook. The same textbook that I use to teach the kids. The next story is called “A Mother’s Lullaby” about a tree…which lives in Hiroshima. In this story, it starts out with a mother and child playing by a tree. Then the tree flashes back to when the atomic bomb hit. Two children came to the tree after the blast. The little boy kept crying for his mother, but the young girl kept saying “Mother’s here, stop crying” and started singing a lullaby. The boy stopped crying and died, but the girl kept singing. “Morning came and the sun rose, but the girl never moved again.”…AWKWARD. Not only because it was repeated 8 times, but because I had to read it to my classes. But that’s another story.
At the contest I realized how intense it really was. There were about 60 speeches with half doing recitation and the other half original speeches. Now the recitation was the painful part. I heard two stories about 8 times each.
“Freddy the Leaf,” a story about life and death, written in an English Textbook. The same textbook that I use to teach the kids. The next story is called “A Mother’s Lullaby” about a tree…which lives in Hiroshima. In this story, it starts out with a mother and child playing by a tree. Then the tree flashes back to when the atomic bomb hit. Two children came to the tree after the blast. The little boy kept crying for his mother, but the young girl kept saying “Mother’s here, stop crying” and started singing a lullaby. The boy stopped crying and died, but the girl kept singing. “Morning came and the sun rose, but the girl never moved again.”…AWKWARD. Not only because it was repeated 8 times, but because I had to read it to my classes. But that’s another story.
Vending Machines
There are vending machines everywhere. Probably even more than the conbenes. They sell anything from water, juice, soda, coffee and even drinks with nicotine in them. I have yet to see a food vending machine, but there are some restaurants where you put money in a machine, press the button of what you want and get a ticket to give to the server. They also sell cigarettes and used panties. I don’t think they smell as good as the ones from build-a-bear though.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Students
The kids are pretty cool too. I’m honing the art of my jikoshokai’s. I’ve basically made every question into a game. They go ape shit when they get points and by the end, it’s like watching Maury when the guy finds out he’s not the father. ALL, for a Winnie the Pooh sticker, who they call Pooh-San.
They all ask the same questions too. If I’m teaching with a woman, they ask if I like her. They also ask if I have a GF, and when I say no, they ask if I like boys. That answer changes everytime. Lastly they all ask which sports I like/play. Pocket Pool is the only one that ever comes to mind.
Sometimes after class too, they’ll ask for my signature on their notebooks, or tell me to stay after school so I can play with them. My response that that is, the only game I play with kids is Doctor, and teenagers are waaay too old.
The Jr. Highs here are split up into three grades which are 7th-9th back home, but are referred to as 1st–3rd graders. The 1st are the loudest and roudiest, the 2nd graders are interested and fun, and the 3rd graders are apathetic and quiet.
Overall though, I’m having a blast with the kids. They make the job more interesting & fun.
Cultural Notes
1. Jikoshokai - (Gee-ko-show-chi/kai) Self introductions made usually in Japanese, but for the sake of the lesson and the games, in English
2. Maury Paternity Test - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZD78-CCPhAQ
They all ask the same questions too. If I’m teaching with a woman, they ask if I like her. They also ask if I have a GF, and when I say no, they ask if I like boys. That answer changes everytime. Lastly they all ask which sports I like/play. Pocket Pool is the only one that ever comes to mind.
Sometimes after class too, they’ll ask for my signature on their notebooks, or tell me to stay after school so I can play with them. My response that that is, the only game I play with kids is Doctor, and teenagers are waaay too old.
The Jr. Highs here are split up into three grades which are 7th-9th back home, but are referred to as 1st–3rd graders. The 1st are the loudest and roudiest, the 2nd graders are interested and fun, and the 3rd graders are apathetic and quiet.
Overall though, I’m having a blast with the kids. They make the job more interesting & fun.
Cultural Notes
1. Jikoshokai - (Gee-ko-show-chi/kai) Self introductions made usually in Japanese, but for the sake of the lesson and the games, in English
2. Maury Paternity Test - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZD78-CCPhAQ
First Month of Teachering
I started teaching at my schools about a month ago. The way it works is that I go to my base school. From there I get shuttled to different schools by taxi every 2 weeks or so. As of now I haven’t even taught at my base school yet, just my satellite schools. I’m starting my first week at my 3rd school.
The teachers so far have been really cool. They speak pretty good English, but they have the standard Japanese teeth. I haven’t seen so much bling in someone’s mouth since Nelly’s music video Grillz. For some reason I also figured all of the teachers would be disgruntled and pissed, but they seem to enjoy their jobs, especially when the hit the kids. But in general, they are really different. Friendly to everyone and not too strict, from what I’ve seen, with the exception of assemblies. If the kids are called out and don’t say “hai” loud enough, then they literally get yelled at from the back of the auditorium. The first time I heard the scream, I raised my hands to the side of my head, palms toward the ceiling and said, “Oops, I crapped my pants.” I was so startled, that it deserved a longer than necessary story to describe the excitement, in my pants.
I was also surprised by the stories of kids getting hit by the teachers. Physical violence seems to be the norm, such as hitting someone on the back of the head. If that happened in the states, whew, all I have to say is, “Rodney King, LA, Riots.” You best berieve
Cultural Notes
1. Base school – the main school that we are stationed at. We go there everyday, and have a proper desk.
2. Japanese Teeth – Sooo many crowns, lack of braces, etc. Usually just the older generations though. I think that most of the kids nowadays get braces and see dentists regularly, because bright white straight teeth are the norm.
The teachers so far have been really cool. They speak pretty good English, but they have the standard Japanese teeth. I haven’t seen so much bling in someone’s mouth since Nelly’s music video Grillz. For some reason I also figured all of the teachers would be disgruntled and pissed, but they seem to enjoy their jobs, especially when the hit the kids. But in general, they are really different. Friendly to everyone and not too strict, from what I’ve seen, with the exception of assemblies. If the kids are called out and don’t say “hai” loud enough, then they literally get yelled at from the back of the auditorium. The first time I heard the scream, I raised my hands to the side of my head, palms toward the ceiling and said, “Oops, I crapped my pants.” I was so startled, that it deserved a longer than necessary story to describe the excitement, in my pants.
I was also surprised by the stories of kids getting hit by the teachers. Physical violence seems to be the norm, such as hitting someone on the back of the head. If that happened in the states, whew, all I have to say is, “Rodney King, LA, Riots.” You best berieve
Cultural Notes
1. Base school – the main school that we are stationed at. We go there everyday, and have a proper desk.
2. Japanese Teeth – Sooo many crowns, lack of braces, etc. Usually just the older generations though. I think that most of the kids nowadays get braces and see dentists regularly, because bright white straight teeth are the norm.
Transpo
In Iwaki, I’ve mostly been using the trains. It’s about a half an hour from my apt by foot or 10-15 minutes by bike, depending if my pants are on, to the station. Then there is this miniature Fuji-San that guards the way to the station. It’s a bitch, but I’m a man… so I got that shit.
The first few weeks of walking was giving me blisters all over, especially in the taint, but also my feet, because we had to wear formal shoes. Then I got a bike about a month ago. It made everything so much easier. So now I’m riding my bike to school and to the station, and my geishas’ pagodas. EVERYWHERE
Cultural Note
1. Fuji-san – What they call Mount Fuji
The first few weeks of walking was giving me blisters all over, especially in the taint, but also my feet, because we had to wear formal shoes. Then I got a bike about a month ago. It made everything so much easier. So now I’m riding my bike to school and to the station, and my geishas’ pagodas. EVERYWHERE
Cultural Note
1. Fuji-san – What they call Mount Fuji
Money pays da billz
It’s way different here than from the states. The only paper money they have is over 10 bucks. Then it’s only 50’s and Benjamin’s. The rest is coins up to 10. 1, 5, 10, 50 cent coins with 1&5 dollar coins. Plus because they are coins you burn through it much quicker, buying stuff, like vending machines, searching for a pikachu cell phone ornament, but just getting ones you don’t know. Fuh dat
Friday, September 19, 2008
Grocery Stores
So the grocery stores here are incredibly different. EVERYTHING IS IN JAPANESE! What the eff?! The food is really different too. Aisles of rice and rice products, huge meat/fish sections, miso base and noodles, small bread sections, random $.99 stores inside the grocery stores.
Another thing is the grocery cart here. So you grab a cart and the main cart part is only sunken in a little bit. What you’re supposed to do is grab baskets and put them in the different sections of the cart. i.e. where you would normally put stuff, and the baby seat.
After you pay, you are given 2 or 3 plastic bags. The first time I was looking at the clerk with the bags clenched in my fists and thinking, what do you want me to do with these bitch? YOU HAVE TO BAG YOUR OWN GROCERIES! Not cool. Not cool. Mostly because it takes awhile to sort and a line starts up at the bagging counter and it gets awkward with people thinking “What is this guy doing? Get your thumb out of your ass and just bag the damn groceries.” BUT YOU HAVE TO STICK THE COLD STUFF TOGETHER. AND YOU CAN’T CRUSH THE EGGS OR THE BREAD. AND YOU HAVE TO PUT THE BUG SPRAY IN A SEPARATE BAG.
Good grief Charlie Brown
Another thing is the grocery cart here. So you grab a cart and the main cart part is only sunken in a little bit. What you’re supposed to do is grab baskets and put them in the different sections of the cart. i.e. where you would normally put stuff, and the baby seat.
After you pay, you are given 2 or 3 plastic bags. The first time I was looking at the clerk with the bags clenched in my fists and thinking, what do you want me to do with these bitch? YOU HAVE TO BAG YOUR OWN GROCERIES! Not cool. Not cool. Mostly because it takes awhile to sort and a line starts up at the bagging counter and it gets awkward with people thinking “What is this guy doing? Get your thumb out of your ass and just bag the damn groceries.” BUT YOU HAVE TO STICK THE COLD STUFF TOGETHER. AND YOU CAN’T CRUSH THE EGGS OR THE BREAD. AND YOU HAVE TO PUT THE BUG SPRAY IN A SEPARATE BAG.
Good grief Charlie Brown
Cooking
I started cooking about 3 weeks ago. I was buying some eggplant, green onions, sprouts, mushrooms, tofu and cooking it all together on the stove. I also of course bought some sex sauce and drenched that shit. It tastes amazing. The problem though, that I was cooking way too much food at a time.
I also tried cooking meat with the vegetables and it got to the point where I was spending nearly 2 hours on dinner, preparing, cooking, eating, and cleaning up. It was a fricken ordeal. So recently I’ve just been making salads and eating out, lesbian style. It’s so much more convenient.
I also tried cooking meat with the vegetables and it got to the point where I was spending nearly 2 hours on dinner, preparing, cooking, eating, and cleaning up. It was a fricken ordeal. So recently I’ve just been making salads and eating out, lesbian style. It’s so much more convenient.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Restaurants & Japanese Food
The restaurants here in Iwaki are for the most part mom & pop shops. It’s usually a hit and miss, but we’ve found some really good places. One of them is a katsu place where they stick cheese in the middle. Sooo fat and good. Also none of the restaurants that I have been to, sell teriyaki or flip food with knives and spatulas or make onion volcanoes. Despite the fact that it is delicious and awesome, I believe that it’s all commercialized Japanese food to appease foreign audiences. So next time you say you want some Japanese food, don’t be ignant and say, “Let’s get some Teriyaki bro!”
One of the best-discovered places is an all you can eat bbq place in the main part of town. It’s about 13 for the unlimited beef/pork and the price increases for add-ons like salad and such. It’s definitely better than Korean bbq, because you don’t smell like you spent half our life in Seoul afterwards. And you don’t feel guilty for eating dog.
There is also this sauce. Absolutely incredible sauce. It’s like sex for the first time, at least for guys, and maybe the 5th or 6th time for girls? You put it in your mouth and are like, WOW! It’s already over? I need more RIGHT NOW! Except it’s every time you dip the meat in the sauce and put it in your mouth, that’s what she said. Frustrating.
One of the best-discovered places is an all you can eat bbq place in the main part of town. It’s about 13 for the unlimited beef/pork and the price increases for add-ons like salad and such. It’s definitely better than Korean bbq, because you don’t smell like you spent half our life in Seoul afterwards. And you don’t feel guilty for eating dog.
There is also this sauce. Absolutely incredible sauce. It’s like sex for the first time, at least for guys, and maybe the 5th or 6th time for girls? You put it in your mouth and are like, WOW! It’s already over? I need more RIGHT NOW! Except it’s every time you dip the meat in the sauce and put it in your mouth, that’s what she said. Frustrating.
Drinking
So it seems as if the Japanese have no problem drinking everyday of the week. After work on a Monday, they go out drinking. They aren’t necessarily getting drunk, but they are getting their fill. It’s almost as if they are alcoholics. Being that as it may, I still try to keep up. I don’t drink everyday, but I was coming close to it the first month I was here. “Eating out” every night and always getting a drink with dinner.
I know this hippy who put it best, “Go to some Izakaya, and just barge on some real authentic Japanese shit. Just keepin’ it real”
Cultural Note
1. Eating out – Lesbian
I know this hippy who put it best, “Go to some Izakaya, and just barge on some real authentic Japanese shit. Just keepin’ it real”
Cultural Note
1. Eating out – Lesbian
Aizu Wakamatsu: Japanese Language Course/ Homestay
About a month ago, all of the Jr. High Jets went to a city 3 hours east of Iwaki. The whole reason to go was to take an intensive “Japanese Language Course” and do a homestay while we were there.
The classes were great. The teachers were better though. Obara was a short older lady with a smoker’s laugh, glasses and short hair. Sakai was a soft-spoken long haired innocent looking woman. I made them both my geishas. Combined with the rest of the other jets in my class, we formed “Team A” (not the A Team) short for “Team Awesome.” We ran that shit. One of our assignments was to interview other Japanese people. I purposely went into the other classes and interrupted them. The teachers were not pleased.
The homestay was awesome too. I was placed with a family of 7. The grandparents, parents, and 3 kids. The first night, we were hanging out and had some world-class tonkatsu and sashimi. We went to meet up with the grandparents too at one point, because they were working at their ramen shop. We then proceeded to go to the store and buy a 6 pack of tall boys and drank at the house. The little girl had nabbed some fish flavored cheese & beef jerky before we left and ate at least 3 quarters of both bags. She was tiny too. Right before I was going to go to bed though, the grandfather called me over to drink with him. After the 4th or 5th 1.5 liter bottle, I called it a night.
Morning came and I ate some natto, fried fish, miso soup and rice. I got a stomachache. Then I got dropped off at the university for the language course and got picked up in the early evening. From the school, we went to a little festival. I was the hero of the night because I caught 12 fish in this fishing game. It’s different though because instead of a net, they give you a magnifying glass looking thing with tissue paper instead of glass. I was about 10 fish in before it started to break. I’m da man.
We left the festival and went back to the house for a feast. We first ate tsukemono, rice, sukiyaki, sashimi, stewed veggies and seafood, and then ramen. I got a stomachache. On top of that, the dad had me drink whiskey and nihonshuu and the grandfather had me drinking beer. I got F’ed, real bad.
By the end of the trip, the kids were calling me big brother in Japanese, and the family waited in the rain at the bus stop for 30 minutes until we left. I obviously made them my geishas too.
Cultural Notes
1. Tonkatsu – Tone-kawt-su, deep fried boneless pork cutlet
2. Natto – naw-toe, fermented soy beans
3. Sukiyaki – a type of stew
4. Tsukemono – pickled vegetables
5. Nihonshuu – knee-hone-shoe, basically what we call sake, except not. Made from rice. What we actually call sake back home is a Japanese made Korean alcohol made from wheat or barley or something. I can’t remember
The classes were great. The teachers were better though. Obara was a short older lady with a smoker’s laugh, glasses and short hair. Sakai was a soft-spoken long haired innocent looking woman. I made them both my geishas. Combined with the rest of the other jets in my class, we formed “Team A” (not the A Team) short for “Team Awesome.” We ran that shit. One of our assignments was to interview other Japanese people. I purposely went into the other classes and interrupted them. The teachers were not pleased.
The homestay was awesome too. I was placed with a family of 7. The grandparents, parents, and 3 kids. The first night, we were hanging out and had some world-class tonkatsu and sashimi. We went to meet up with the grandparents too at one point, because they were working at their ramen shop. We then proceeded to go to the store and buy a 6 pack of tall boys and drank at the house. The little girl had nabbed some fish flavored cheese & beef jerky before we left and ate at least 3 quarters of both bags. She was tiny too. Right before I was going to go to bed though, the grandfather called me over to drink with him. After the 4th or 5th 1.5 liter bottle, I called it a night.
Morning came and I ate some natto, fried fish, miso soup and rice. I got a stomachache. Then I got dropped off at the university for the language course and got picked up in the early evening. From the school, we went to a little festival. I was the hero of the night because I caught 12 fish in this fishing game. It’s different though because instead of a net, they give you a magnifying glass looking thing with tissue paper instead of glass. I was about 10 fish in before it started to break. I’m da man.
We left the festival and went back to the house for a feast. We first ate tsukemono, rice, sukiyaki, sashimi, stewed veggies and seafood, and then ramen. I got a stomachache. On top of that, the dad had me drink whiskey and nihonshuu and the grandfather had me drinking beer. I got F’ed, real bad.
By the end of the trip, the kids were calling me big brother in Japanese, and the family waited in the rain at the bus stop for 30 minutes until we left. I obviously made them my geishas too.
Cultural Notes
1. Tonkatsu – Tone-kawt-su, deep fried boneless pork cutlet
2. Natto – naw-toe, fermented soy beans
3. Sukiyaki – a type of stew
4. Tsukemono – pickled vegetables
5. Nihonshuu – knee-hone-shoe, basically what we call sake, except not. Made from rice. What we actually call sake back home is a Japanese made Korean alcohol made from wheat or barley or something. I can’t remember
Fukushima Orientation
All of the new people have to go to the Tokyo Orientation as well as the prefectural orientation. This is where we hear the same exact things as before. The only exception is the workshops that are held. They tell you about the transportation, recreation, foods, and other things specific to Fukushima. At night though, after all of the formal stuff, it was a complete shit show. All you can drink and a bunch of people who wanted to get wasted equals an intense equation. Like the kind of statistics which incorporates calculus, trig, geometry, algebra, and arithmetic. I of course blacked out for part of the night.
On the way back to the hotel, I got lost and had to get taken back by Birry. Once I got there, I went to the convenience store and bought chicken nuggets and some condoms. But the face the clerk gave me when I asked for them was a mixture of curiosity and utter surprise. He looked at me as if to say “you’re alone dude, why the hell would you need these?” The truth of the matter is that they sell United Colors of Benetton condoms and I really wanted to see them. At school I did a case study on apparel and Benetton was one of the companies, hence I really wanted to see them. Like, are they made of cotton or is it just designer latex? Double you tee eff. Then the next day we went back to Iwaki.
Cultural Notes
1. Prefecture – Same as state
On the way back to the hotel, I got lost and had to get taken back by Birry. Once I got there, I went to the convenience store and bought chicken nuggets and some condoms. But the face the clerk gave me when I asked for them was a mixture of curiosity and utter surprise. He looked at me as if to say “you’re alone dude, why the hell would you need these?” The truth of the matter is that they sell United Colors of Benetton condoms and I really wanted to see them. At school I did a case study on apparel and Benetton was one of the companies, hence I really wanted to see them. Like, are they made of cotton or is it just designer latex? Double you tee eff. Then the next day we went back to Iwaki.
Cultural Notes
1. Prefecture – Same as state
Weather
When we got off the plane in Tokyo and went outside, it was like a “tsunami,” if you will, of hot air that hit our bodies. I thought there would be no way that it would stay like this until late October. But it was disgusting for about a month, with little spurts since. 31 Celsius, 90% humidity. I was walking from my apt to work in regular clothes until I got to work, where I would change into my suit. My clothes were drenched. That’s how bad I was sweating. Our boss put it perfectly while talking to one of the other guys, “YOU BACK IS SWEAT. HAHAHAHA.”
Recently though, it’s changed drastically. The typhoon season hit, and its raining every other day. But its still humid as f.
Cultural Notes
1. Trek – Getting to the BOE would take me about an hour on foot, with only a 5 minute train ride.
2. Late October – weather changes. Winter starts to come in.
Recently though, it’s changed drastically. The typhoon season hit, and its raining every other day. But its still humid as f.
Cultural Notes
1. Trek – Getting to the BOE would take me about an hour on foot, with only a 5 minute train ride.
2. Late October – weather changes. Winter starts to come in.
First 3 Weeks @ Work
When we started working, we trekked to the board of education everyday. They set us up with cell phones, internet, bank accounts, alien registration cards, geishas, and other necessities. During this time, we also had a ton of ceremonial meetings and greetings. Full professional attire mandatory. Everything in Japan has an opening and closing ceremony. Very professional I guess. I’m not so sure. We got toured around the city the last week of being at the BOE. Iwaki is absolutely huge. The land area is about the size of the Los Angeles area with a 10th of the population. Pretty sparse. Unfamiliar. Out of my element. No blacks. No Mexicans. Except for 1 girl who is half of both. Daemon? Maybe. She makes me feel naughty. JK. HAHAHAHA… (: /). Overall, the time at the BOE was a blast because you have constant contact with other English speakers.
Iwaki
We all arrived in Iwaki on the Wednesday after we got here. There was a long ceremony in a city north of Iwaki called Koriyama. I think it’s the biggest city as far as shopping and eating goes in Fukushima. Then from there we got bused down to Iwaki.
A few of us were put up in a hotel for a few days because our predecessors came in the later group, and their contract wasn’t up until a week after we arrived. After the hotel we moved into our apts though. My apt has 1 tatami room, 1 western style room, a large living/dining/kitchen room, with 3 closets, a microwave, stove, washing machine, separate toilet, and a bath/shower unit. The entire place is covered in wallpaper and linoleum floors. The walls are also thinner than tissue paper, and because there is no clothes dryer, I have to hang dry all of my clothes. The Upside though? It costs nothing to live here and its huge and new. Rent is literally a fraction of what it cost at USC. I have a two bedroom apt for the price of cruiser bike, per month. A used cruiser bike that was sold to me by the same Mexicans who stole it. Ridiculous.
I have 5 neighbors, 3 from the states and 2 from Australia. The new girl and I have really gotten a lot of help from them. They have made it really easy adjusting.
Cultural notes
1. Hotels – almost all of the hotels here are like cabins on a cruise ship. The bathroom is elevated from the rest of the room and the shower water sprayer is connected to the sink faucet.
2. Bath/shower units – The baths and showers here are normally in the same unit, but not like the ones back home. There is a standing area just for taking a shower, and then there is a sunken part for the bath. The standard here is to take a shower and rinse and clean off, then jump into the bath to hang out, just like a spa.
A few of us were put up in a hotel for a few days because our predecessors came in the later group, and their contract wasn’t up until a week after we arrived. After the hotel we moved into our apts though. My apt has 1 tatami room, 1 western style room, a large living/dining/kitchen room, with 3 closets, a microwave, stove, washing machine, separate toilet, and a bath/shower unit. The entire place is covered in wallpaper and linoleum floors. The walls are also thinner than tissue paper, and because there is no clothes dryer, I have to hang dry all of my clothes. The Upside though? It costs nothing to live here and its huge and new. Rent is literally a fraction of what it cost at USC. I have a two bedroom apt for the price of cruiser bike, per month. A used cruiser bike that was sold to me by the same Mexicans who stole it. Ridiculous.
I have 5 neighbors, 3 from the states and 2 from Australia. The new girl and I have really gotten a lot of help from them. They have made it really easy adjusting.
Cultural notes
1. Hotels – almost all of the hotels here are like cabins on a cruise ship. The bathroom is elevated from the rest of the room and the shower water sprayer is connected to the sink faucet.
2. Bath/shower units – The baths and showers here are normally in the same unit, but not like the ones back home. There is a standing area just for taking a shower, and then there is a sunken part for the bath. The standard here is to take a shower and rinse and clean off, then jump into the bath to hang out, just like a spa.
Tokyo Orientation
It’s been almost two months since I’ve arrived. Things here have been very very fun.
Tokyo was absolutely ridiculous. We arrived on the July 27th which was a Sunday. That night, I went out with all of the Irish guys. They drink like horses. Literally the equivalent of Mel Gibson, Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton put together, at the time of their DUI’s and anti-Semitic facts. And on top of that , they make every Irish person in the States look like little bitches.
So while going out with them, I had this terrible idea of trying to keep up with them. So each of us kept pouring beer into each other’s glasses, and by the end…well I can’t really remember the end, but we each drank about a pitcher of beer, and they weren’t even buzzing. It’s almost as if they have a minimum blood alcohol level of .2. Nuts
The next night was our prefectural night where people from our prefecture all went out together. Obviously. First stop was an izakaya. We ate curry pizza (: /) sashimi noodle salad (: /) and French fries ☺. We were also pounding beer and sake. The most incredible thing here too, is that there are all-you-can-drink bars for like 30 bucks. It has to be the greatest invention of all time. After dinner and drinks, we went out to a karaoke bar. It got even more ridiculous because a few others and me would go to a convenience store and buy beer, sake, or vodka and drink it on the streets. Yes, drinking is allowed in public here. After the first time sneaking the alcohol into the karaoke bar, we felt shitty, so the next 7/11 run we pounded all of the alcohol on the steps of karaoke and then went downstairs. One of the most awkward things of the entire trip thus far was during one of our 7/11 runs, I saw some foreigners. A black girl and a white guy. I assumed they were on JET too and started up a conversation. When I was listening to the girl, I could tell right away she wasn’t from the states or from Canada, so I asked her if she was from South Africa…She was from London. AWKWARD. I can’t remember too much after that, but I did rip off a toilet seat cover holder from the wall in the hotel. The metal part. The next morning I heard stories of eating a rice bowl with no chopsticks, just my face, and getting into intense conversations/ eye stares with homeless people.
The last night, a few of us went out to a club. It was awesome because the clubs here are all the size of Vegas clubs (GIGANTIC), but not quite the same as the ones in Acapulco. All of the clubs are really lax too, and pretty much let everybody in. A funny observation about Japanese clubs is that everyone at the club dances with the DJ, not with each other. Literally what they do is stare at the DJ and dance. There were many instances in which one of us would go up to a girl and start dancing with her. After less than a minute, they would just walk away. FAIL. But later they would come back and gravitate towards you the rest of the night. We were all perplexed, because they seriously keep following us the whole night. But it was a great time. We got back around 5 am, with a stop at another rice bowl place. It was awesome
Cultural notes
1. Izakaya – Japanese style pub with tatami mats and tables on the ground
2. Tabehodai – All you can eat
3. Nomihodai – All you can drink
4. Convenience store – Everywhere in Japan, almost every street corner. AKA Konbini/Conbene ( Cone-bee-knee)
5. Beer – Tall boys are the standard, no little cans
Tokyo was absolutely ridiculous. We arrived on the July 27th which was a Sunday. That night, I went out with all of the Irish guys. They drink like horses. Literally the equivalent of Mel Gibson, Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton put together, at the time of their DUI’s and anti-Semitic facts. And on top of that , they make every Irish person in the States look like little bitches.
So while going out with them, I had this terrible idea of trying to keep up with them. So each of us kept pouring beer into each other’s glasses, and by the end…well I can’t really remember the end, but we each drank about a pitcher of beer, and they weren’t even buzzing. It’s almost as if they have a minimum blood alcohol level of .2. Nuts
The next night was our prefectural night where people from our prefecture all went out together. Obviously. First stop was an izakaya. We ate curry pizza (: /) sashimi noodle salad (: /) and French fries ☺. We were also pounding beer and sake. The most incredible thing here too, is that there are all-you-can-drink bars for like 30 bucks. It has to be the greatest invention of all time. After dinner and drinks, we went out to a karaoke bar. It got even more ridiculous because a few others and me would go to a convenience store and buy beer, sake, or vodka and drink it on the streets. Yes, drinking is allowed in public here. After the first time sneaking the alcohol into the karaoke bar, we felt shitty, so the next 7/11 run we pounded all of the alcohol on the steps of karaoke and then went downstairs. One of the most awkward things of the entire trip thus far was during one of our 7/11 runs, I saw some foreigners. A black girl and a white guy. I assumed they were on JET too and started up a conversation. When I was listening to the girl, I could tell right away she wasn’t from the states or from Canada, so I asked her if she was from South Africa…She was from London. AWKWARD. I can’t remember too much after that, but I did rip off a toilet seat cover holder from the wall in the hotel. The metal part. The next morning I heard stories of eating a rice bowl with no chopsticks, just my face, and getting into intense conversations/ eye stares with homeless people.
The last night, a few of us went out to a club. It was awesome because the clubs here are all the size of Vegas clubs (GIGANTIC), but not quite the same as the ones in Acapulco. All of the clubs are really lax too, and pretty much let everybody in. A funny observation about Japanese clubs is that everyone at the club dances with the DJ, not with each other. Literally what they do is stare at the DJ and dance. There were many instances in which one of us would go up to a girl and start dancing with her. After less than a minute, they would just walk away. FAIL. But later they would come back and gravitate towards you the rest of the night. We were all perplexed, because they seriously keep following us the whole night. But it was a great time. We got back around 5 am, with a stop at another rice bowl place. It was awesome
Cultural notes
1. Izakaya – Japanese style pub with tatami mats and tables on the ground
2. Tabehodai – All you can eat
3. Nomihodai – All you can drink
4. Convenience store – Everywhere in Japan, almost every street corner. AKA Konbini/Conbene ( Cone-bee-knee)
5. Beer – Tall boys are the standard, no little cans
Monday, July 7, 2008
Mac, San Diego, 18 Days
I'm finally a mac owner now. I got one on saturday, and the guy totally sold us on getting the white one. I really hope that the new ones don't come out right away, otherwise i'll have to chase that guy down and castrate him, hahaha, jk, but seriously, hahaha no i'm jk, but seriously i will cut his balls off...
I also went down to San Diego today and visited Brittany Stone. It was alot of fun. She toured me around San Diego to the really crowded beach, then to froyo, then to bank, then to cpk. It was really nice to see her though, and it was even better to have you her dog piss all over me because it was so damn excited, but thats pretty standard.
18 more days
I also went down to San Diego today and visited Brittany Stone. It was alot of fun. She toured me around San Diego to the really crowded beach, then to froyo, then to bank, then to cpk. It was really nice to see her though, and it was even better to have you her dog piss all over me because it was so damn excited, but thats pretty standard.
18 more days
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
First Post, 26 days
Hello, my name is Matt. Every time i've tried to make a blog, I never keep it going, but hopefully i'll actually try to document some of my experiences. Here is a little self introduction:
I'm originally from Orange County and I just graduated from USC. I decided to use my $40,000/year tuition to teach engrish in Japan. WHAT A GREAT DECISION NOT. The upside to it is that i'll be able to whisper sweet nothings to my harem of Japanese wenches when i'm a successful rice plantation owner. But seriously, everyone is saying that i'll be bringing back a Japanese wife, which is highly doubtful, because I think its important in a relationship when a person isn't sleeping all the time...because her eyes are always going to be shut...because she's asian... hmmmmmmm.
I leave in 26 days and i'm not sure when i'll be back. I'm excited (thats what she said). Like what the heck will I be doing after this? How long will I be doing this? Who knows? Hopefully I keep this, i'll keep you...posted
I'm originally from Orange County and I just graduated from USC. I decided to use my $40,000/year tuition to teach engrish in Japan. WHAT A GREAT DECISION NOT. The upside to it is that i'll be able to whisper sweet nothings to my harem of Japanese wenches when i'm a successful rice plantation owner. But seriously, everyone is saying that i'll be bringing back a Japanese wife, which is highly doubtful, because I think its important in a relationship when a person isn't sleeping all the time...because her eyes are always going to be shut...because she's asian... hmmmmmmm.
I leave in 26 days and i'm not sure when i'll be back. I'm excited (thats what she said). Like what the heck will I be doing after this? How long will I be doing this? Who knows? Hopefully I keep this, i'll keep you...posted
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